First I want to offer my sincere apologies. My goal in quarantine was to share the positive insights I was gaining as I went along. Then out of nowhere, the dark hit. Not out of nowhere precisely, because there are always precursors, but it felt like it went at the speed of dusk. The watercolor sunset I had been viewing donned a pitch-colored robe replete with clouds that blocked the flashes of light from twinkling stars. But that’s how it goes with depression, right?
Our lives are shining beams on the good days, that others can warm themselves by. Because of the sharp contrasts, we’re able to witness it all more vividly than someone whose brain rides that glorious, sought-after happy medium. Being able to witness all the tiny nuances also makes it easier for us to describe the landscape to the residents of Pleasantville. We know their sunny days at seventy-two degrees Fahrenheit, so we can relate to them. They, however are blissfully unaware of the storms, the droughts, or the days that the sun shines so brightly that sunglasses aren’t ample protection.
By wanting to only be a light-bringer in these uncertain times, I was doing myself and anyone reading this a disservice. I was setting an unattainable goal not only just for me, but for anyone on the journey of depression. By sitting quietly in the dark and not sharing, others are left alone in that darkness. Some left to ponder if their medications were no longer working, or in the worst cases…people thinking they were doing something wrong by not being able to overcome their dark as easily as others.
So I’ve been battling internally with the decision whether to only share light for those in need, or if I go the “warts and all” approach of sharing the whole picture without the gloss-coating that reflects those amber beams of warmth to the hearts of others. Is light the only need in darkness? Or does truth hold a higher importance in the world?
Rather than bore, trigger, or upset anyone (and in all honesty, to get myself off the dang hamster wheel of thought) I’ve decided to put the question to anyone who is generous enough with their time to read these. Do you want the whole picture, or do you just need to be lifted up right now? Please be honest with your answer, because I’ve personally decided that I need to write and process, so the only way your decision affects me is when it comes to making my thoughts public by hitting the “publish” button.
You can comment here or on the tweet with the link attached. I appreciate your consideration and as always…I hope you and yours are safe, happy, and healthy.